Wordiness and overuse of BE

Phil Druker/ Department of English/ UI

Wordiness and overuse of BE: how to avoid it

Phil Druker, Department of English, UI

Here are some sample wordy sentences that use BE and suggested revisions:

NOTE: To avoid BE, use words like these: present, form, show, offer, involve....
(Replacing "be" with the word "exist" really doesn't help)

1	Weak	There are advantages and disadvantages to this approach.	(8 wds)
	Revised	This approach presents advantages and disadvantages	(6 wds)
2	Weak	The manner in which this is accomplished is entirely different for each game library.	(13 words)
	Revised	Each game library accomplishes this in an entirely different manner.	(10 wds)
4	Weak	Misuse detection is not an infallible method for identifying intrusion.	10 wds
	Revised	Misuse detection does not present an infallible method for identifying intrusion.	11 wds
5	Weak	Creation of new rules is not a trivial task.	8 wds
	Revised	Creating new rules presents a complex task.	7 wds
6	Weak	This information will be the basis for my recommendations.	9 wds
	Revised	This information will form the basis for my recommendations.	9 wds
7	Weak	What I need to do is write up the details	10 wds
	Revised	I need to write up the details.	7 wds
8	Weak	There is evidence that shows that the moth exhibits preferential selection	11 wds
	Revised	Evidence shows that the moth exhibits preferential selection	8 wds
9	Weak	The project is broken into five parts.	7 wds
	Revised	The project has five parts.	5 wds

Do you need to eliminate all the Be verbs? No. That's too difficult and not useful. But if you can eliminate just a few, so you're using BE only when you need to, then that will help.