Phil Druker/Department of English/ University of Idaho

Phil Druker/  Department of English / U I

Wordiness

 Here are some ideas about avoiding wordiness.

 1.     Avoid “there is/are/was/were” phrases.

 ·       Wrong: There are several advantages to genetic screening. (7 words)
    Better: Genetic screening presents several advantages. (5 words)

·        Wrong: There has been a lot of research done to determine its causes. (12 wds)
Better: A lot of research has been done to determine its causes. (11wds)
Best: Much research has been done to determine its causes. (9 wds)  

·       Wrong:  There were many factors that affected this situation. (8 wds)
Better:      Many factors affected this situation. (5 wds)

NOTE:  many times you can delete “there is ... + that or which...”

 ·       Wrong:  There is one index that provides the correct information. (9 wds)
   Better: One index provides the correct information. (6 wds)  

·        Wrong: There are several steps which I plan to complete. (9 words)
Better:  I plan to complete several steps. (6 words)

2. Avoid “it is/was” at the beginning of sentences:

·        Wrong: It is recommended that we complete more research. (8 words)
Better: We should complete more research. (5 words)
Or:   We recommend that we complete more research. (7 words)

·        Wrong:  It is our goal to serve the university community.  (9 words)
Better:   Our goal is to serve the university community. (8 words)

3.  Avoid excessive words (aviod "BE" verbs):

·        Wrong:This method is effective at removing oil from the surface.(10 wds)
Better:   This method effectively removes oil from the surface. (8 words)
Best:    This method effectively removes surface oil. (6 words)

 ·        Wrong: The second reason is that Americans believe …. (7 words)
   Better: Second, Americans believe…. (3 words)

 4. Avoid strings of prepositional phrases:

Wrong:  The states determined that there was a very real threat of the lack of depository sites for the waste from the nuclear plants at locations outside the region. (String of 6 phrases)

Better:  The states determined that the lack of nuclear waste depository sites at locations outside their region posed a real threat. (String of 3 phrases)

5. Also, avoid nominalizations.

6. Omit words that say nothing:

    In today's society = now or ??

    In our world = ??

    At this point in time, At this time, At present= now

Due to the fact that / For the reason that / = because

        In view of the foregoing = Therefore

        By means of…., By utilizing…, Through the use of….= BY